Wading through the darkness

Wading through the darkness

5 years

The past few months have been extremely challenging. I have faced the loss of a loved one, cared for my mother while she recovered and muddled my way through University. Through it all, I still keep fighting. Supported by amazing friends and striving to help those I cherish, I have never been alone.

😢 Losing A Friend

When you lose someone you love, it hurts. You no longer have the privilege of being in their presence or watching them grow and forge their path in life. It pains considerably more when that person is young. Last week I lost a friend. He was such a smart, kind, amazing person. He fought so hard over the previous two years with the vile parasite that is cancer. I grieve because he is no longer on this earth and no longer with his beautiful mother. I grieve because I won’t see him ever again. Through all the sadness, I am still so lucky to have known him. 

💝 Caring For Mum

My mum recently had a major operation to remove a large tumour. We are so thankful it was benign (not cancerous) and that her healing process has been going well. It was particularly stressful to wait during the operation. I found myself constantly worrying that something would go wrong. I cared for her during her recovery, and she has made significant progress. 

It was a difficult time to have my mum recovering and a friend so sick. There were times when I felt the cold hands of depression, trying to drag me down. I fought laboriously and found diversion through University and other projects.

🎓 University

Through all the challenges I was meeting, my performance in the class Narratives: Production and Performance was well below my usual standards. The class itself was intriguing, to learn and develop my understanding of narrative and to jump into audio and video production. My performances were another story 😂.

I finished the class with a final grade of 78% and considering everything, I am happy with that. If the circumstances were different, I know I would have had the time and motivation to do better.

🌜 Blog Changes

I have made a few changes on my blog. After completing my University class, it helped to distract me from everything.

✨ Other News

  • 🚙 I sold my car because I didn’t drive it enough and it was a considerable expense
  • 🛍 I was approved to open a store on Creative Market (I am working on some vector designs)
  • 💖 I continued adding designs to Cute Magic
  • 📺 🎮 I spent other free time binging on Netflix and playing games on PS4

💬 Questions

  1. Have you lost someone close to you?
  2. What helped you to cope?

10 Responses

  1. Hi Kya,

    1. Yes, as you know, I lost my father when I was 10…that was 22 years ago. I still grieve about it once in a while, but it wasn’t so bad when I turned 30. I realised he probably didn’t want me to be sad all the time so I stopped thinking about it so much, but I’ve only put a plaster over the wound. I also lost my grandmother about 7 years ago. She was the only grandparent I knew.

    2. I did art, put myself around positive and happy things. When I was a kid I just became a very quiet person. I lost myself in my own thoughts. I thought nothing was every going to fix my sadness. It took a while for me to finally accept it, and only when I became an adult. I still feel sad once in a while, but work helps me mask out pain and puts me into focus. Sometimes I just get lost in my own day dreams.

    I think in the end, people will never really understand, until only it happens to them. But it gets better. 🙂 and it really teaches you to appreciate the world so much better and to be kind.

  2. First, I’m so sorry about your friend. *hugs* I’m here if you need to talk. May not be much help, but I can listen! I know its rough losing people…esepcially when they’re young.

    I’m glad your mom is doing good though! =3

    Sounds like as usual you’ve been busy.

    And since I felt like it:

    Have you lost someone close to you?: I lost my brother over the summer. It was extremely sudden and he was pretty young.
    What helped you to cope?: Honestly in a way I feel like I’m in denial. I just don’t think of him as gone sometimes, while other times it hits me. Focusing on the good times is helpful too.

  3. I am so sorry to hear about the passing of your friend 🙁 Losing someone so close to you is never easy. I am glad however to hear that your mom is okay and doesn’t have cancer. I hope she is continuing to recover. I think 78% in your university class is great with all that you were/are going through. Congratulations on doing so well.

    1. Have you lost someone close to you?

    I recently lost my uncle last month. My father’s older brother. He lived in Manitoba and us in Nova Scotia so we were so far away and I never got to say goodbye. When I was in a kid and in my teens I saw him a lot but since we moved out east I have not seen him. It was so hard. I have also lost another uncle 5 years ago (my mom’s younger brother) and all of my grandparents and great grandparents who I had the wonderful experience of being able to know. Last week we lost my husband’s mother as well but I will be honest I never met her due to circumstances that happened when they were kids. But I felt the loss all the same and have been watching and supporting my husband as much as I can while he struggles with his grief and loss and feelings. It’s a complicated situation to say the least.

    2. What helped you to cope?

    I would say what helps me cope with loss the most is my family and friends. My husband and parents first and foremost. They have helped me realize that you have to go on for the ones that are still living and keep moving forward through the grief and pain and support one another like you kept doing with your mother. I find as well that just remembering and cherishing the good times with them helps a lot as well and often times would bring a smile to my face among the tears.

  4. I am so so sorry to hear about your friend, it’s never easy but I’m so glad he is finally at peace. I hope you’re doing okay <3
    Such great news that your mum's tumour was removed – I hope her recovery has gone well and you're all making it through.
    Congrats on the amazing mark, you should be so proud.

    I have lost a few people close to me, but most significantly my Dad. It was hard and it still is hard sometimes, but surrounding myself with loved ones and doing things that make me happy certainly helps.


  5. I know the feeling of losing a love one. I haven’t wrote about it yet for it still hurts so much to think about it. At the end of July, I lost my grandmother who I was really close with. Losing a love one is never easy especially with the pain we fill afterwards, but my advice to you: they are angels above watching over us. Keep their memory alive by doing the things that made them happy. My grandmother loved her faith. I attend church so much not only because I love my faith, but it is my connection to her.

    I will send you prayers so that your mother heals quickly and that everything will brighten up for you.

  6. I’m sorry that you’ve been struggling. It’s great to hear that you have the support of friends though! I really love your art, and I hope that is a focus that helps you along!

    I’ve lost quite a few someones, both my parents and my younger brother along with other older family members over the years. I cope daily by thinking of the good times we shared. It isn’t always easy. I also light a candle for them on Día de Muertos. It makes me feel connected to them.

    I hope you have better days ahead! ❤️

  7. Hey Kassy,
    What was with this fall? It seemed rough for a lot of people. I lost my grandmother a couple of weeks ago, so I feel some of your emotional turmoil. My mother has a tumour in her brain, but luckily it too is benign, still, it’s rough to have to deal with that scare. Still, I’m very sorry you’ve had such a rough time lately. As always, it was a pleasure to read your post, and I’ve definitely missed stopping by your blog.


  8. Welcome back Kassy 😀
    I’m sorry to hear that you’ve dealt with so much… I hope your mother will have a smooth recovery! I’m not really familiar with these kind of situations but I’m afraid I will have to face them sooner or later 🙁

  9. I’m so sorry about your friend’s passing 🙁 It’s never easy to lose someone so dear to us and moving on from loss is never an overnight thing. I’m sending you all my love and support <3 I will be here to listen if you ever need someone!

    It makes me happy, however, to know that your mom is doing well! I hope she recovers quickly and I hope she stays healthy from here on out <3

  10. You went through so much, sweet Kya… Here, get a big virtual hug! *HUGGLES!*

    I hope and pray that your mom’s going to feel better, and my heartfelt condolences for the loss of your friend.

    I haven’t lost a friend that way yet, luckily, although a close friend (like a sibling to me) abandoned me for reasons that I don’t fully understand. I know they still care for me and that’s enough for now. I hope our paths will cross again someday.

    1. Have you lost someone close to you?

    Yes. In October this year, I lost my dad to leukemia. He’s been a true warrior, fighting against the monster for 19 months, during which he turned into a much better father and one I could entrust my heart to.

    2. What helped you to cope?

    My religious faith, my fiance and (on a lesser degree) my family. My fiance and my mom are also taking more care of me now, since I have neurological and psychiatric issues that have gone worse over the years, and especially after dad’s death (PTSD).

    Life is life. Life is hard. I know that, you know what. But it’s still so incredibly painful to go through the journey. I wish you inner peace, sweet Kya; and I do the same to myself, too.

    My therapist said that the sane part of a person’s mind should always take care of the ill part, like a mom with her child.

    I hope that little bit of advice can help you at least a little bit, like it’s been helping me this month.

    Big hugs!


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