19 years

Life has a way of doing things to people that you can?t explain. It can make you happy and it can make you sad. But it creates our friends, family and loved ones.

It?s funny sometimes how you can just be-being yourself and your hit with these past emotions stored deep in yourself that you don?t even realise are still there. Yesterday was seeming like it was going to be ok but then dad told me his aunty had died, I did not know her that well but it is still a sadness that you feel for other people, the sadness of knowing people will feel the hurt and struggle of loosing someone they love.

Today my cousin arrived, some may remember that several months back my uncle died horribly from a heart attack. It was one of the saddest times of my life and the emotions are still coming back. Especially seeing him and the look in his eyes and the heartfelt feelings he had for his dad. For some reason these past days are just formed into this almost square object of sadness.

Like the rain that is falling outside and the still hot feeling of summer, I feel confused. I?m not confused about myself in a way of who I am, but a feeling of being confused of how do we really cope with what happens around us.

For me it seems that applying for Fanlistings is some type of semi-realise, but I don?t want to hurt myself there either. I tried to apply for the Dominic Monaghan one because it was available for application, but he is so popular and the chances are very slim so I shouldn?t get my hopes up but I have. It?s such a silly thing to be doing.

I guess like with everything we can only take it one step at a time, surround ourself with happiness but not cover or cloud our grief. Let it be taken into ourself but not hidden. Understood not feared and perhaps then we can move on and search for the lingering of the old parts we had lost.

I wish the best for everyone, whatever you may doing may the love and joy always be yours!

9 Responses

  1. šŸ™ Wow Kya, I hope everything works out for you. That post was heartfelt, and really made me think about some of the things that I take for granted. I truly am sorry for you. *Pats her back* It’ll be okay…

  2. Darling, I understand what you are going through right now and you know I love you to the end of the universe and back again. I know the pain of losing those you loved very much and the reacurring pain that comes with their memories being brought up again. It’s a hard thing to deal with, dealing with pain really tests and strengthens your character, so no matter what happens, you will come out on the better side of things. Stay strong angel, for yourself and for those around you who also feel the pain. You are such an amazing woman. I know you can get through this. You will always have my love and I am always here to listen and talk things through with you. We’ll be friends for a very long time hun, you know it. So trust that and know that things will turn around soon. Good things will come, just as surely as a rainbow comes after rain. *hugs*

  3. Um. What can I say. My head isn’t concentrating right now since it’s 4am in the morning but I feel like I should say something.

    I think it’s awful how your father’s aunty died… Whatever anyone say isn’t going to change what has happened. We just have to carry on the pain and that’s life. And while we are living, we should try to see the positive side of things even though everything has 2 sides to it.

    I think what you wrote was very poetic and good. It’s great writing and great writing usually comes from the heart. :heart:

    May you feel better as the days go on.

  4. Oh lovie… *hugs* There’s so little I can say because you have said it all. What you said is true: life is such a crazy thing, but the path that we take always has a reason. It must have been so sad for you to meet your cousin, and to rekindle those memories of your uncle that you yourself invited us readers to share with you during that time, but remember how wonderful it is to be remembered. I hope your cousin is ok, and that of course you will remember your lovely uncle forever, and ever. I will always remember those that have passed by, at least once a day. But they are all together now, doing what we don’t know, but they made it there, and ‘there’ is always a better place. *loovvve*

    I really hope and pray that you get the Dom listing. I saw the little thread you made at boards, and I remember that being me with the Bob Dylan fanlisting! ^^ I hope you get it love. But you’re thinking the right way to not get your hopes up, but don’t stop doing something that makes you happy! Having a fanlisting is great fun, but you can make a Dom fansite, and that would be even better. Fanlistings are cool, but they are just the icing on the cake. ^^ xD

    Remember that life has so much to offer us, my love. :’) You have every right to feel sad, and indeed everyone should once in a while to understand what they live for, but don’t let it put you down for good. You are such a bright, shining, happy, wonderful, amazing person, we can’t lose your shining soul like that. I love you so much šŸ˜€ šŸ˜€ šŸ˜€

    *luffffs* Talk sooon, sweetie. Let me know if you ever need to chat; I’ll always be available for you. :heart: :heart: :blush:

  5. I’m so sorry about your dad’s aunt. I hope he, along with the rest of the family, are doing okay. I can’t say much else that you haven’t said yourself. It is odd the way the subconscious works, bringing forth memories of things you thought you’d forgotten.

    I do hope everything ends up okay. šŸ™‚

  6. well, I feel like I can never be truly honestly blissfully happy. I feel like there’s always someone out there to rip the joy outta my life or something… *broods*

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